Why How We Talk Matters (and How to Do It Better)
By Steve Wright, Syndicated by Bin Day Blues
"How We Talk Matters" is a thought-provoking article by Steve Wright MSc, a Life and Business Coach dedicated to empowering personal and professional growth through tailored through S A Wright Coaching. Shared for publication on Bin Day Blues, Steve’s piece explores the power of communication and how improving it can enhance our connections and well-being.
A couple of weeks ago I made a new friend.
Rick reached out to me via Linkedin as we are both in Lancashire and share common goals in personal growth. The DM led to a video meet and then a chat on my podcast, The 1 to ONE Thing.
I am a big fan of 'going beyond the click' on social media platforms and taking the time and effort to communicate. Yes, talk to the person! I enjoyed the interaction with Rick and would like to cover some pointers on why how we talk matters.
How we communicate with ourselves and with others is fundamental to our well-being and success.
How else are you going to share your dreams, goals, fears or challenges? Language sets us apart from every other animal on the planet. We can speak from the past, present and future with it. Even our mirror neurons allow us to communicate simply by observing!
How We Talk
How we 'talk' is much more than the words we use. We 'speak' volumes in our tone, body language, gestures, inflexion and so on. In a world where we communicate more via text at different times to the other person (asynchronously), we are deliberately choosing to reduce the quality and richness of how we communicate. While there are great benefits to this method of communication, it's not the best way to communicate when connection is important.
And that's why how we talk matters. To connect richly and deeply, we need availability to ALL our human cues, or at least as many as possible.
I love conversations. I usually learn more than I share, but even while sharing, there is something new to learn. I like the discipline of paying attention. Often the greatest gift we can give is our attention. Nothing is a waste of time if you know how to use it. Being attentive lets people know they matter - and we all want to matter, right?
Don't ignore self-talk! The person you spend most time with is yourself, so you better get along! We can often be our worst critic, but that doesn't mean we can't also be our biggest cheerleader, best friend, or trusted guide!
Here's my list of things that can help us talk and communicate better:
Be real: You know when you are not authentic. Communicating dishonestly is much harder than being yourself. Learn to be OK with who you are and communicate that.
Actively Listen: This is more than just nodding while someone is speaking. It requires suspending your thoughts while you take on theirs. It's holding your idea and theirs in your head at the same time. It's letting your mirror neurons fire so you can sense what they are sharing.
Know and trust your gut: The better you know your gut, the more you can trust it. Lived experience is the only way to build that knowledge and trust. Knowing and trusting your gut helps build trust in others.
Know Thyself: Socrates said 'To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.' - smart guy! Understanding our values, motives, and beliefs is important to how we show up and communicate with others. We don't know everything about ourselves, that's why knowing thyself is the beginning, not the end of wisdom.
Be Kind To Yourself: While you're busy doing all this to communicate better, remember to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat your favourite relative. That's where the team 'kind' comes from!
None of the points relate to techniques on how to talk or what to say. Techniques might be helpful in certain situations or environments. These points are the pathway to communicating and building on them makes us better communicators.
Final Thought
Communication is not just about talking; it's about truly connecting with ourselves and others. It's a powerful tool for self-discovery, growth, and making a positive impact on the world. We've been doing for over 50,000 years, so let's keep working on improving our communication skills, one conversation at a time!
Credit
Discover more about the author:
Steve Wright MSc is a Life and Business Coach dedicated to helping individuals and teams develop self-leadership, resilience, and effective management skills. His coaching philosophy centres on the idea that true leadership starts with self-awareness and personal growth.
Through 1:1 coaching, Steve provides tailored guidance, acting as a thinking partner to help clients navigate challenges and achieve their goals. His cohort programs foster collaboration, enabling professionals to grow through peer networking and shared insights, accelerating both personal and professional success.
Life is too short to play small, see how you can grow to where you want to be. Book an appointment with Steve today.