People-Pleasing: The Downsides
People-pleasing, a common behaviour, involves an excessive need for approval, often at the expense of authenticity. Those who engage in people-pleasing may struggle with setting boundaries, experience burnout, and risk losing their true selves in the pursuit of meeting others' expectations, hindering personal growth and genuine connections.
What issues can it cause?
Loss of Authenticity: People-pleasers often sacrifice their authenticity in an attempt to be liked or accepted. They may suppress their true thoughts, feelings, and opinions, leading to a disconnection from their genuine selves.
Burnout: Constantly trying to please others can be emotionally and physically exhausting. The need to meet everyone's expectations can lead to burnout, fatigue, and a feeling of being overwhelmed.
Boundaries: People-pleasers may struggle to set and maintain healthy boundaries. They may find it challenging to say "no" and can overcommit themselves, leading to stress and resentment.
Dependency on External Validation: Seeking approval from others becomes a primary source of validation for people-pleasers. This reliance on external validation can lead to a fragile sense of self-worth.
Conflict Avoidance: People-pleasers often avoid conflict at all costs to maintain harmony in relationships. However, this can result in suppressed feelings, unresolved issues, and a lack of open communication.
Resentment: Over time, the constant effort to please others without fulfilling personal needs and desires can lead to resentment. The unmet needs may build up, causing frustration and unhappiness.
Difficulty Making Decisions: People-pleasers may find it challenging to make decisions independently, as they fear disappointing others or making choices that might not align with external expectations.
Attracting Manipulators: People-pleasers can be vulnerable to manipulation by those who recognise and exploit their desire to please. This can lead to one-sided relationships and a lack of reciprocity.
Stunted Personal Growth: Focusing too much on pleasing others can hinder personal growth and self-discovery. People-pleasers may prioritise external validation over their development and well-being.
Inauthentic Relationships: People-pleasers may attract relationships based on a facade rather than genuine connections. This can lead to a sense of loneliness and isolation despite being surrounded by others.
Overcoming people-pleasing requires intentional effort and self-awareness. Here are five steps to help break the pattern:
Self-Reflection: Examine the reasons behind your people-pleasing tendencies. Identify patterns, triggers, and emotions driving the behaviour to gain insight into your motivations.
Set Boundaries: Learn to assertively communicate your needs and establish clear boundaries. Practice saying "no" when necessary, and prioritise your well-being without feeling guilty.
Build Self-Esteem: Cultivate a strong sense of self-worth by acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments. Focus on internal validation rather than relying solely on external approval.
Practice Assertiveness: Develop assertiveness skills to express your thoughts, feelings, and opinions confidently. Communicate openly and honestly while respecting both your needs and the needs of others.
Seek Support: Share your journey with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Surround yourself with a supportive network that encourages authenticity and provides constructive feedback as you work toward breaking the people-pleasing habit.